- Nov 10, 2003
- 8,871
- Admin
- #1
There are so many things wrong with this movie, I'm not even sure with where to begin.
I guess first off, the trailer practically LIES. It gives you off the impression that Keanu is the bad guy and has been sent here to destory humanity. Neither is true in the movie. I don't really think there is a bad guy. Anyways, Keanu's character (Klaatu), and his big human stomper robot, have been basically sent to Earth to find out if the humans could "change" so that the humans won't end up destroying Earth. Klaatu's race apparently believes since that it's rare to find a planet that can support Life, they don't want to take the chance of the human's destroying it.
Of course as soon as Klaatu steps out of his space ship, he is shot and then captured, because why not?
Anyways, Jennifer Connelly decides to allow Klaatu to escape his prison, who knows why, and Klaatu ends up calling for her to help him. So they drive around a bit with Connelly's adopted son (played by Jaden Smith). Anyways, eventually a policeman spots them in the woods, and Klaatu hit's him with a car but then brings him back to life. So what's the point in this?
Meanwhile this whole time Jaden Smith is bitching up a storm about god knows what, and is being a brat. He thinks he is all alone because his dad died like a year ago, and his dad would have killed the alien even though his dad was a PUSSY and was just an engineer in the army, and somehow died DOING THAT.
Klaatu tells Connelly that the aliens have been watching and hoping the human race would change, but they haven't so they must be destroyed. Connelly begs and gets Klaatu to meet some nobel prize winner or SOMETHING. Anyways, nobel prize winner guy (John Cleese) argues with Klaatu that it's only when a race comes near disaster that it will change, as Klaatu explains happened to his race, as the sun was destroying them or whatever. Way to be fucking hypocrits you bastard aliens.
Klaatu is still not convinced. Anyways, this is all ruined because Jaden Smith decides to call the cops and tells them where they are. Connelly gets snatched away, and Klaatu crashes two of the helicopters into each other. Jaden Smith now likes Klaatu. WHATEVER.
As this is all going on, the US Government has captured the BIG ROBOT STOMPER and are trying to drill into it. Suddenly this thing breaks apart into a billion nanobots or whatever, and eats everything and everyone, and goes on a global tirade. Jaden Smith decides to try to make Klaatu revive his dead father, which Klaatu says he can't do. Maybe because his father is just a pile of ROTTING BONES NOW. Do you really want to have a pile of bones for a dad? Fucking zombies. Regardless Jaden gets pissed and tells Klaatu to go fuck off somewhere. Connelly reunites with her son at this moment, and because of THIS Klaatu decides to save humanity, except he doesn't know if he can stop this huge bug swarming guy.
Uh ok.
Anyways, scene changes to them just SUNDAY CRUSINING down the middle of main street NEW YORK. Oh shit, an army roadblock ahead, better show the scene of the foot hitting the pedal! Why aren't they going MAXIMUM SPEED ALREADY? I mean its just the end of humanity, who cares right? Anyways, not even an army blockcade can stop one vehicle. No wonder we are losing. The tanks decide to chase for a little bit, then they get tired and just back off for no reason.
Anyways, they make it to the main SPACE SHIP or whatever the hell it is. Of course, the US AIRFORCE decides to drop bombs on it, except they don't drop bombs on it; they completely miss and hit the CAR the main characters are in which is off like 500 feet away. I guess the airforce can't aim for shit.
Oh noes, are they dead??? of course not, they must run under a bridge so the millions and millions of bugs can't get them. That's right, by hiding under an OVERPASS, it protects you from the bugs. Of course, Jaden Smith and Connelly are infected, and Klaatu saves them by touching them. Lame, I was at least hoping the black kid would die for being a BITCH the whole movie.
Anyways, Keanu decides to go outside into the swarm, but even though he is FLESH AND BONE just like a human, the bugs don't seem to eat his ass up. He touches the spaceship, an EMP is sent out which kills the bugs. Lame, are you saying that an ADVANCED ALIEN SUPERCOP or whatever the fuck it is, is vulnerable to a shitty EMP?
Oh, Klaatu leaves now, but leaves up with no god damn electricals at all. Hello, stone age. Hey 4 billion people will die because we don't have the capabilities to mass produce food anymore, mass crime sprees will happen, and basically will be hell on EARTH. Thanks alot Klaatu, you really saved us you fucking prick.
This movie sucks, but was entertaining to watch, at least when Jaden Smith wasn't on the screen, I guess.
4/10
I guess first off, the trailer practically LIES. It gives you off the impression that Keanu is the bad guy and has been sent here to destory humanity. Neither is true in the movie. I don't really think there is a bad guy. Anyways, Keanu's character (Klaatu), and his big human stomper robot, have been basically sent to Earth to find out if the humans could "change" so that the humans won't end up destroying Earth. Klaatu's race apparently believes since that it's rare to find a planet that can support Life, they don't want to take the chance of the human's destroying it.
Of course as soon as Klaatu steps out of his space ship, he is shot and then captured, because why not?
Anyways, Jennifer Connelly decides to allow Klaatu to escape his prison, who knows why, and Klaatu ends up calling for her to help him. So they drive around a bit with Connelly's adopted son (played by Jaden Smith). Anyways, eventually a policeman spots them in the woods, and Klaatu hit's him with a car but then brings him back to life. So what's the point in this?
Meanwhile this whole time Jaden Smith is bitching up a storm about god knows what, and is being a brat. He thinks he is all alone because his dad died like a year ago, and his dad would have killed the alien even though his dad was a PUSSY and was just an engineer in the army, and somehow died DOING THAT.
Klaatu tells Connelly that the aliens have been watching and hoping the human race would change, but they haven't so they must be destroyed. Connelly begs and gets Klaatu to meet some nobel prize winner or SOMETHING. Anyways, nobel prize winner guy (John Cleese) argues with Klaatu that it's only when a race comes near disaster that it will change, as Klaatu explains happened to his race, as the sun was destroying them or whatever. Way to be fucking hypocrits you bastard aliens.
Klaatu is still not convinced. Anyways, this is all ruined because Jaden Smith decides to call the cops and tells them where they are. Connelly gets snatched away, and Klaatu crashes two of the helicopters into each other. Jaden Smith now likes Klaatu. WHATEVER.
As this is all going on, the US Government has captured the BIG ROBOT STOMPER and are trying to drill into it. Suddenly this thing breaks apart into a billion nanobots or whatever, and eats everything and everyone, and goes on a global tirade. Jaden Smith decides to try to make Klaatu revive his dead father, which Klaatu says he can't do. Maybe because his father is just a pile of ROTTING BONES NOW. Do you really want to have a pile of bones for a dad? Fucking zombies. Regardless Jaden gets pissed and tells Klaatu to go fuck off somewhere. Connelly reunites with her son at this moment, and because of THIS Klaatu decides to save humanity, except he doesn't know if he can stop this huge bug swarming guy.
Uh ok.
Anyways, scene changes to them just SUNDAY CRUSINING down the middle of main street NEW YORK. Oh shit, an army roadblock ahead, better show the scene of the foot hitting the pedal! Why aren't they going MAXIMUM SPEED ALREADY? I mean its just the end of humanity, who cares right? Anyways, not even an army blockcade can stop one vehicle. No wonder we are losing. The tanks decide to chase for a little bit, then they get tired and just back off for no reason.
Anyways, they make it to the main SPACE SHIP or whatever the hell it is. Of course, the US AIRFORCE decides to drop bombs on it, except they don't drop bombs on it; they completely miss and hit the CAR the main characters are in which is off like 500 feet away. I guess the airforce can't aim for shit.
Oh noes, are they dead??? of course not, they must run under a bridge so the millions and millions of bugs can't get them. That's right, by hiding under an OVERPASS, it protects you from the bugs. Of course, Jaden Smith and Connelly are infected, and Klaatu saves them by touching them. Lame, I was at least hoping the black kid would die for being a BITCH the whole movie.
Anyways, Keanu decides to go outside into the swarm, but even though he is FLESH AND BONE just like a human, the bugs don't seem to eat his ass up. He touches the spaceship, an EMP is sent out which kills the bugs. Lame, are you saying that an ADVANCED ALIEN SUPERCOP or whatever the fuck it is, is vulnerable to a shitty EMP?
Oh, Klaatu leaves now, but leaves up with no god damn electricals at all. Hello, stone age. Hey 4 billion people will die because we don't have the capabilities to mass produce food anymore, mass crime sprees will happen, and basically will be hell on EARTH. Thanks alot Klaatu, you really saved us you fucking prick.
This movie sucks, but was entertaining to watch, at least when Jaden Smith wasn't on the screen, I guess.
4/10
