Barbara: My NEWER BESTER Friend

Logan

Administrator
Rupees
377
Barbara had a birthday so we traded these goofy Casey boxes! I got mine first so let's dig through this bastard and see what we got. It certainly can't be as bizarre as the last!



First up, we have this wonderful hello kitty Mp3 faceplate which looks like it would've been useable about 8 years ago. Compile that with some random grocery aisle information and some receipts and you have about an millimeter of dead tree. If you're looking to get your money back for that Dasani, Barbara, you're basically shit out of luck. We have this spring chicken toy which apparently shits out candy for you, and while I can't disagree with how much easier that would be than just eating the shit with your hands, I have a strict "don't eat anything that came directly out of an asshole" policy. There's also a marble, which makes it official, she has lost her marbles. Hyuck hur hur. The cuss cards are pretty fucking brilliant though, I picked out 9 that best reflect me and my interests.



This batch makes me think she was slightly drunk one night and accidentally dropped half of a first aid kit in the box. However, seeing as how this family hasn't owned band-aids in like 2 years, it's a welcome addition. The rest is clearly critiquing my general foul odor and poor hygiene. Fortunately, I'm now equipped to combat both.



Ah round 3! Also known affectionately as "Operation: Can We Make Logan Fatter?" It's probably good that I got pictures of all of this because there will most surely not be a trace of them in a few days.



Oh dear, back to more random stuff! My life of course wasn't complete until I had a random list and a cheap flyer for something I don't want to see. Actually, now that I examine it, the flyer seems to be yet another critique on the way I smell. Ouch. We also have some pics of the family/random plants and animals, a card from a New York City metro which has most certainly been used, and a pencil sharpener, which make's Casey's pencil a formidable weapon now! Or something to write on paper with, either or. The clear strap is either for your head (not big enough to be of any utility for mine) or a piece of the world's cheapest and least exciting garter belt, I can't decide which. HOWEVER, the little worm thing on the tissue paper was the most perplexing. As I furiously unfurled it, I couldn't decide if it was a mummified micro-penis or one of those Halloween witch fingers. Instead, it's a fun little prop that now silently judges everything I do at this computer!



Here's a simple pic! First up is a nice little bucket hat, which as I'm sure are all thinking, is too small to fit my planet sized head. It's a familiar situation for me. Next up is a latex-free (thank fucking LORD) nipple which is JUST PERFECT. Wait a second though...oh thanks a lot Barbara, lot of good THAT'LL do me.



Finally is the strangest of the bunch which has made me wonder if I truly know who Barbara even is! We have a tiny bottle of vodka for days when you only want to get a tiny bit drunk, a tiny shovel or some shit like that, and a tiny notebook that ants would scoff at. Follow this with some tiny pieces of film from what upon close inspection is vintage pornography and you find yourself at the weirdest part! What can only be described as a ghetto-matryoshka doll, we eventually get to some tiny coffee stirrers and candy canes! I think as evidenced by the last set of pictures, Barbara is clearly a miniature person. I rest my case.

Thanks Barbara, it was a lot of fun! Hope you like mine. CASEY, YOU'RE NEXT!
 

Barbs

Castle Guard
Rupees
0
Damn right I'm your bester friend! Also, I want a picture of you in that stupid hat, eating something with the tiny ... shovel.
 

Barbs

Castle Guard
Rupees
0
Too bad you won't provide your address. I have a packet of Pop Rocks in my kitchen. Oh well.
 
Top